How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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