There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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