I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
