Ambien. No doubt about it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
