Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
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