There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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