My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
