That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
