OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
