So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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