Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
