oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
