im holly from the hills drunk
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
