i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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