I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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