I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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