I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
