Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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