The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
