So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Small penises have feelings too.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
