insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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