I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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