Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
