The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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