I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
being pregnant is like rehab
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
