My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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