seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
