also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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