I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
