All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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