Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
