Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
