I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
