i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
