Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
