I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
