So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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