i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
