my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
