Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
