i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
