Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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