I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
