When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
