he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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