I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
