apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
