it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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