I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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