i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
