I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
