This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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