He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
