ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
