My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
