A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
