I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
